If you had to choose just one word to sum up 2020, which would you choose?

Lockdown’s a popular choice. It’s certainly one of the most-used words of the year. What about pandemic? Vaccine? Polarisation? Worry? Stress?

Any one of these words could come out on top. But for me there’s a single word that really captures the spirit of this year:

Kindness.

While it’s all too easy to focus on the bad things that have happened to each and every one of us this year, why not make a conscious choice to dwell on the good? 

Because there’s been plenty of it!

What about when the entire country showed up every Thursday night to show their appreciation for essential workers?

Or when Captain Sir Tom Moore walked 100 laps of his garden to raise money for the NHS?

And let’s not forget the celebrities who decided to spread some goodness this year — like Marcus Rashford and his campaign for free school meals and the absolute legend that is Dolly Parton donating $1m to the development of the Moderna vaccine?

Yup, when you decide to look for it, you’ll find there are countless examples of people going all out to make the world a little kinder when it was really needed. And so often these huge gestures were exactly what we needed at times when it felt like the darkness was going to swallow the light.

That said, for me, there are two other types of kindness that truly helped me cope with the trials of 2020 — and it’s these that I plan to focus on when I come to navigate whatever 2021 decides to throw my way too. I invite you to do the same!

1. Everyday kindness.

When it comes to kindness, we all have someone we look up to, someone we’d love to emulate if only we had the time, the finances, or skills. Maybe it’s the friend who dedicates her life to fostering abandoned pets. The neighbour who tirelessly fundraises for local charities. Or your sister who spends every weekend answering the phones for The Samaritans.

But, while these are all undoubtedly INCREDIBLE acts of kindness, they aren’t the only way to enrich both your own life and the lives of those around you.

Smaller, everyday gestures can be just as powerful. 

In fact, we’ve already seen that play out this year. We’ve seen it in the extra donations to the nation’s food banks. And we’ve seen it in the way people suddenly started checking in on elderly or vulnerable neighbours to make sure they had the food and medicines they needed during periods of lockdown. We’ve seen it in the smallest of smiles that meant the absolute world to the person who needed to see a friendly face — if only from a distance.

And it’s those tiny but oh-so-impactful gestures that I plan to multiply for the rest of this year and going forward into 2021. Why don’t you join me?

Try:

• Smiling more often when you’re out and about — yes, even to the grumpy neighbour that always ignores you!
• Sending your kid’s teacher a note to let them know just how much you’ve appreciated their hard work this term.
• Letting your partner/mum/sister/best friend know exactly WHY you think they’re so special.
• Complimenting a stranger if you love their outfit.

Each of these gestures may feel small to you but the thing about kindness is that it’s an infinite resource — feed it just a little and it soon ripples out into the wider world. 

That person you smile at? They pass that smile on to someone else, who again passes it on. Your child’s teacher goes home that day feeling that yes, her stressful job is worth it. She then brings that positive energy to the whole class for the rest of the week. Those kids go home happy and engaged, which makes life easier for their stressed out parents. The person you compliment walks a little taller — her newfound confidence makes her want to uplift the people in her own life.

Never underestimate the power of everyday kindness.

2. Kindness to yourself.

Without a doubt, this is the most underrated — and underused — form of kindness.

And I get it. When you think about being kind, you automatically conjure ideas of selflessness, of sacrifice. It’s about making life better for other people in your family, in your community, and around the world. Not you!

But here’s the thing: all of that altruistic stuff is rooted in being kind to yourself. 

Because if you aren’t kind to yourself first, you won’t have the energy, the motivation, or the positivity you need to care for others.

Once again, though, you don’t need to worry about the grand gestures; the spa days, meditating for three hours every morning, or spending a fortune on new designer clothes. Because, when it comes to kindness, yet again, it’s the tiny gestures that so often mean the most.

• Lower your expectations: did you get the kids to school on time today? Pay the mortgage this month? Make it to the end of a hugely stressful week without yelling at anyone too much? Give yourself a high five for that stuff, you deserve it!
• Give yourself a treat — a bath, 10 minutes with a magazine, the ‘good’ coffee for a change.
• Nurture yourself with time with friends or the people that always make you feel invincible (in person if allowed, virtually if not).
• Give yourself a compliment. Did you show up for a workout when you didn’t want to? Is your skin glowing right now? Are you looking amazing in your new jeans? Compliment yourself the way you would compliment your best friend.
• Let go of the idea of perfection. Some days you’ll feel like you’re absolutely winning at life, others you won’t. Remember that your incredible value as a mother, friend, partner, human is the same whether you’re smashing life, or it’s smashing you!

Again, none of these things require much time, much energy, or much effort, but as we all emerge from a year that has likely dealt us more ‘downs’ than ‘ups’, the power of a little kindness can’t be underestimated. Especially the kindness you direct towards yourself.

Because if kindness relies on the ripple effect, that ripple starts with you.

If the idea of being kind to yourself still feels completely foreign, why not join me in The Balance Club?  There you’ll find a supportive group of women who’ll shower you with kindness, inspire you, and help you find the ‘happy in the crappy’ even on those days when you find it particularly hard to give yourself a high five. We’ll be welcoming new members again in the New Year; pop your name on the list and I’ll let you know as soon as the doors re-open.

Loved this? You might also like:

Why 2020 is the ultimate year of celebration.

Finding the flow: why we all make one vital mistake with self-care (and how to fix it!)