Have you hit the pandemic wall?

No, it’s not just you.

As I write this, we’re in full lockdown…again. We’re just waiting for the next announcement that’ll tell us whether kids can go back to school, whether you’ll finally be allowed a trip to Nana’s…or Nando’s, or whether you’ll be able to ditch the yoga pants and go back to your usual workplace. 

Now, I’m no Mystic Meg, but my prediction is that, while some restrictions may be eased, ‘normality’ is still a long way off.

And that’s hard. 

We’re nearly a year into this new world of lockdowns, isolation, and near-constant worry. So it’s little wonder that so many of us feel like we’ve hit a wall. Any novelty we might have felt at working in our pjs has well and truly worn off.

Crisis fatigue has set in and frankly? We’ve had enough.

But, while there’s little we can do to change the situation — there are things we can do to improve the way we experience the situation. Things we can do to make sure that our particular pandemic wall doesn’t become so wide and so tall that we can’t move around it.

And the number one thing that’ll help you shrink that wall before it becomes insurmountable?

Sharing how you feel.

What’s happening in your brain right now?

You’re not the only one experiencing this crisis fatigue: we’re all feeling caged, worried, exhausted. It’s a completely normal reaction to the new world we find ourselves in.

But, I think that too many of us are using the fact that we’re all feeling overwhelmed as an excuse to ignore it. You may even feel like a ‘stiff upper lip’ is the best way through. 

But rather than helping you cope, suppressing negative emotions actually increases their power and leads to physical symptoms like muscle tension and pain, and mental health issues like anxiety. Ignoring difficult emotions allows the part of the brain that deals with stress responses, the amygdala, to run the show. 

On the flipside, when we talk about how we feel, we’re able to process emotions, to think about how we feel rather than let ourselves be swept away by panic, and we increase our ability to cope with scary situations. 

And if you think you’re inching closer to that pandemic wall, it’s probably the ideal time to up your COVID communication so you can help your brain chill out and find your way through to the other side.  

So let’s look at a few ways to make COVID communication easier.

Realise you’re not a burden.

One reason we tend to keep our emotions to ourselves is that we don’t want to burden our loved ones, particularly when we know that they have pandemic-related struggles of their own.

But think about it this way: 

When a friend opens up to you about their problems, do you feel burdened? Or do you feel honoured that they’ve come to you for support or advice? Do you enjoy helping them reframe their disasters and find humour in their sadness? Do you like knowing that you’ve given them the courage they need to keep showing up when they’re struggling?

So it is with your own friends and loved ones. 

By giving them the chance to focus on your stuff for a while, you’ll remind them that they’re not the only one dealing with tricky emotions. And by talking things over you might hit on a few easy tweaks that’ll help you both cope a little better.

Ask for help.

Whether you need help from your partner, your extended family, or from a friend — it’s okay to ask. We’re often so desperate to show the world that we’ve got our shit together, that we absolutely love home schooling, the lack of commute is a godsend, and that we love Zoom parties, our nearest and dearest might not have any idea that we’re skating pretty close to the edge.

So let them know. If you need more help with the kids, the housework, or just a shoulder to cry on, don’t be afraid to let your loved ones know that you’re struggling. 

Remember: you’re the only one who expects you to be Wonder Woman.

Be honest…but kind.

On the flip side, if someone is asking too much of you right now, you are allowed to let them know. 

In fact, if you’ve hit the wall, it’s vital you let them know now, before it becomes even more unmanageable and potentially damages your relationship beyond repair.

Before you talk to them, it’s worth bearing in mind that they, too, are probably every bit as crisis fatigued as you are so, while honesty is important, it’s a good idea to lead with kindness and sensitivity.

Ease yourself into it.

If you’re not used to opening up about your feelings, or you hate asking for help, try to ease your way into it rather than rushing straight into a massive conversation.

Plant a few seeds by ditching the automatic ‘fine’ the next time someone asks you how you are and give them a more honest answer like, ‘actually, I’m feeling pretty tired right now’ and be open to where the conversation goes from there.

Make it a conversation…not a rant!

I think we’ve all done it: something has annoyed you in the morning — it could be anything from dirty towels left on the bathroom floor to something more significant — and you sit and seethe all day. In fact, you’ve played out so many conversations in your head that by the time your partner/teenager/flatmate comes home in the evening, as far as you’re concerned, you’re already halfway through the argument.

Meanwhile, they don’t have the first idea why you’re suddenly yelling at them!

So, instead of keeping it all in your head until you reach boiling point, let them know that there’s something you need to talk about. Give them the chance to prepare and allow them to feel like they’re an equal partner in the conversation. 

We may well be a nation famed for the stiff upper lip, but if we’re going to get through this next stage of the pandemic, we’ll all fare much better if we can learn to become a nation of talkers.

By opening up about what we need, having difficult conversations before we hit boiling point, asking for help when we need someone to lighten our load, and even just talking things through with someone else who totally gets what we’re going through, it’ll be much easier to find a way round that pandemic wall. 

Talking things through with your loved ones is a powerful tool for managing pandemic-related stress levels, but if you’d rather speak with someone impartial — someone who’s 100% in your corner — I’d love to be there for you. I can tailor my 1:1 coaching sessions to your life and your current challenges to help you find calm, clarity, and your lost spark.

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