‘Pull on your emotional life jacket’.

Janey Godley is a Scottish comedian who’s spent much of the last year providing hilarious voiceovers of the Scottish First Minister’s COVID speeches. And pretty much every video ends with Janey/Nicola Sturgeon advising watchers to do just that: to pull on their emotional life jacket.

And I love that because it’s actually pretty good advice, whatever your opinion of the comedian herself.

Because life is hard right now — in so many different ways.

So we do need to pull on a protective layer; a metaphorical jacket (or mask!) that will protect us from the mental and emotional harms caused by the pandemic. 

We need strategies to remind ourselves that we’re complete superstars and that we CAN handle whatever the rest of the year throws at us. We need to realise that we’re capable of surviving — and even thriving — through it all.

We need an emotional life jacket. 

Or to put it another way, we need to boost our emotional resilience.

What is emotional resilience?

Your emotional resilience determines your ability to cope with crises and stressful events. Emotionally resilient people are more able to take things in their stride and adapt when life throws them a curveball — or, you know, a global pandemic. 

While they may have the odd wobble, crying into a pillow or raiding the biscuit tin after a particularly stressful stint of homeschooling, they generally face challenges and changes with a sense of confidence and empowerment. 

The great news is, while some people inherently more resilient than others, absolutely everyone can take positive action to boost their emotional resilience. 

Here’s how it’s done:

Accept what you can and can’t control.

Losing the freedom to control how we live our lives has been one of the hardest things to accept during the last year. You’ve likely lost control of where and how you work, socialise, exercise, and travel. And it feels like your health and safety is in the hands of other people, from the inhabitants of West Minster to the people mixing in your local community.

And that’s hard.

But remember this: there are countless things you CAN control, even now.

• You can choose to sit on the sofa all day, lamenting the fact that you can’t go to your usual gym or yoga class or you can choose to find an online option or go for a walk. 
• You can choose to spend your evening doomscrolling Twitter or you can read an uplifting book instead.
• You can control how you react when the kids are refusing to do their school work.
• You can control whether you stick to health recommendations like social distancing and mask wearing.

Look for the positives.

This isn’t about burying your head in the sand or suppressing your emotions. If you’re afraid, stressed, or angry, it’s important to acknowledge it and allow yourself to feel those feelings.

But don’t let yourself drown in the negativity. Step away from constantly checking the news (if anything significant happens, you’ll know about it) and seek out some more positive stories. 

Because there’s a lot of goodness in the world and there’s never been a better time to surround yourself with it. And the best thing about forcing yourself looking for upsides? 

Over time, you can actually train your brain to habitually search out and focus on happier things. Really!

Give yourself permission to be imperfect.

There’s no ‘right’ way to handle a freakin’ global crisis — none of us has ever done this before. There’s no manual to follow. We’re all just trying to get through it however we can. So if your way of coping looks completely different from your bestie’s survival strategy, that’s fine.

And if you’re having an absolute shocker of a day, know that it’s normal and that you can turn it around. Remember: perfection doesn’t exist. So give yourself kudos for the fact that you’re still here, still showing up for the people you love, and still functioning through the madness.

That shows you’re already wonderfully strong and gives you a great baseline of emotional resilience to work from.

Be kind.

Remember those things you CAN control? This is one of them. 

And there are a whole bunch of ways you can add a little kindness into your life: bake some scones for an elderly or vulnerable neighbour. Pay someone a compliment. Delight your kids with an afternoon dedicated to making a fort, watching their favourite movie, or reading their favourite stories.

The world feels like a cruel place right now but these acts of kindness are a timely reminder that every one of us has the power to make it feel safer, warmer, and more nurturing. And that’s hugely empowering.

(Oh, and don’t forget to show yourself a little kindness while you’re at it. You deserve it as much as anyone.)

Make the most of your community.

Emotionally resilient folks often cope well with challenging situations because they know they’re not going it alone. And neither are you.

So this is the perfect time to reconnect with your own support network — maybe it’s your immediate family bubble, maybe it’s the people in your building/street, maybe it’s a religious community, your friendship group, or even a supportive online community of like-minded women.

Whatever your support network looks like, take a little time to get in touch with them, to find ways to laugh with them, to seek advice or support if you need it, and to remind yourself that, no matter what’s going on in the big wide beyond, your corner of the world is full of your own personal champions.

Return to the self-care fundamentals…

When you’re in emotional freefall, it can be hard to hear what your gut is telling you. You may be sitting there right now with the feeling that you need help, that you need to take action, that you need to give yourself an emotional boost. But the noise in your head means you don’t know where to start.

If so, this is the time to dial up the stuff that you already know works for you. It’s the time to return to your personal core foundations of self-care.

If you’ve strayed from your morning/bedtimes routines, ease yourself back into them as far as your current circumstances allow. If the meditation cushion or yoga mat used to be your happy place, it’s time to revisit them. And if you used to be an absolute boss at setting healthy boundaries, note where you’ve let them slide recently and reset them in a way that’ll work for how your life is right now.

And the most important thing?

Consistency. When you’re feeling like external events have knocked you off balance, it may be easy to see that you should take an extra walk, drink more water, or call a friend.

But it’s just as important to keep building that emotional resilience on the days that you’re finding it easy to power through, so you create a reserve that you can call on whenever you need it. 

Because when you know that you have that emotional life jacket close at hand, it won’t matter what the world throws at you next. You’ll know that you have the strength, the adaptability, and the confidence to face it head on.

Remember: it doesn’t matter how resilient you are, you don’t have to cope with any of this alone. The Balance Club is a thriving community of incredible women who are all helping each other find a calmer, more comforting path through the current craziness. And we’d love for you to join us. To be the first to know when the doors reopen, pop your name on the list.