We all have an idea about what self-care looks like:
It’s the woman lying about in a white bathrobe with cucumber slices on her eyes. Or the one who never goes without her weekly bubble bath, complete with a glass of Chardonnay and eleven billion candles, of course!
But, while that all sounds rather nice — to me at least — that’s not really what self-care is about. And because that’s the image we all immediately conjure, too many of us have misconceptions about self-care and its place in our lives.
We may think it’s not for us, it’s not achievable, or it’s just plain boring.
But here’s the thing:
Self-care isn’t just available to everyone. It’s vital for everyone.
Because it’s not about bubble baths or spa breaks — it’s about finding ways to replenish your energy when you’re running on empty. It’s about treating yourself with respect and valuing your needs. And it’s about having routines and rituals you can turn to whenever it feels like life is getting on top of you.
And that’s something we all need from time to time.
So let’s bust a few myths. Let’s have a look at what self-care ACTUALLY looks like, so you can figure out what it should look like for you.
Myth 1: Self-care is for people who have a lot of time on their hands.
Ah yes, self-care is fine for ‘ladies who lunch’. For women who have nothing better to do than spend time in the salon or spa, right? For people who have time for set routines and regular yoga classes.
Nope. Not even slightly.
In fact, I’d argue that the busier you are, the more you need to find small moments throughout your day or week to pause and recharge your batteries.
And self-care doesn’t have to be time-consuming or set in stone AT ALL. If you do have an hour to spare and fancy a soak in the tub, go for it. But know that taking a few moments to reconnect with your breathing, to have a big old stretch after a day at your desk, or to sit with a cuppa while you read a couple of pages of your magazine could be just as effective at helping you relax and recharge.
And just as you don’t have to spend a lot of time on it, you don’t have to commit to a specific self-care routine. What works for you today, might be different from what works tomorrow — and that’s okay.
Myth 2: Self-care is too expensive.
Again, we’re letting the spa crowd mislead us.
Self-care can be as expensive or as cheap as you’d like it to be. For example, you might fancy treating yourself to a gorgeous bunch of flowers from your local florist, but you could find just as much enjoyment from picking some wild flowers or sprigs of lavender from your garden and popping them in a glass on your desk.
And if you are a fan of the spa experience, take those home-grown lavender sprigs and use them to infuse your bathwater, before lighting a couple of tealights, and bribing the kids to leave you in peace for a half hour.
If your version of self-care looks like a quiet hour reading a book, you could go out and buy the latest hardback or you could borrow a book from your local library.
Even just taking a moment to sit in your garden or local park and appreciate the sights, sounds, and smells around you could count as self-care — and it doesn’t have to cost you a penny.
Myth 3: Isn’t self-care just for narcissists?
Somewhere along the line, we’ve gotten the impression that self-care is for those who have an inflated sense of self.
Not so.
Absolutely everyone deserves to dedicate a little time each day to something that makes them happy. It’s less about loving yourself, and more about respecting and valuing yourself. That includes you.
Oh, and while we’re clearing things up, there’s a huge difference between narcissism and self-love. You’re amazing: you’re allowed to have a high opinion of yourself!
Myth 4: I don’t have time for self-care; I have other people to look after.
I get it. When you’re busy caring for other people, whether it’s young kids or an elderly or vulnerable relative, you feel that taking time for yourself, takes time away from them. You feel guilty for even thinking about self-care.
The truth is, self-care isn’t going to detract from your caring duties, it’s going to supercharge your ability to carry them out.
When you feel relaxed, recharged, and happy, you have more energy and love to pass on to those you love. When you have healthy boundaries you avoid the resentment that can arise when you most of your time is dedicated to the care of others. And you feel more able to adapt to stressful situations and changing needs.
Myth 5: My house is tiny — I don’t have the room for self-care.
Sure, it would be lovely to have an in-home swimming pool, a bathroom with a ginormous tub, or a home gym. But do you need ANY of that stuff in order to find ways to feel good?
Not at all.
Self-care can be done anywhere. You can knock out a few yoga poses in your living room. You can run up and down your stairs to get those endorphins flowing. You can sit and practice deep breathing at your desk. You can spend an extra five minutes in bed with a cup of tea and some relaxing music.
Myth 6: Self-care is a bit ‘woo woo’, isn’t it?
A lot of self-care advice focuses on things like yoga, journaling, meditation, and gratitude. For good reason — these things can be incredibly restorative. And they’re not just effective, they’re actually grounded in science.
But if they’re not your thing?
It doesn’t matter!
For you, self-care might involve cycling through muddy trails, cooking an indulgent meal, or scheduling a night in the pub with your mates.
Anything that brings you joy, that boosts your energy, that makes you feel like you can take on the world, qualifies as self-care.
Myth 7: Self-care isn’t for me — I have a busy brain.
If you’ve never lasted more than 20 seconds on the meditation cushion, you might feel your brain is just too active for self-care.
But, just as self-care isn’t just about yoga or meditation, it isn’t necessarily about the things usually touted as relaxing. You might find that sitting down and studying a foreign language fills your energy cup. Or it could be Sudoku or a crossword puzzle that helps you chill.
There’s no ONE way to do self-care — it’s very much about experimenting and figuring out what works for you.
So let’s put aside these preconceptions because they aren’t just holding you back from creating the energy you need in your life, they might be holding you back from the discovery of new hobbies, new ways of moving your body, new ways of thinking, and new ways of looking at the world.
If you’d love more support and advice on embracing self-care — in whatever form works for you — I’d love to welcome you to The Balance Club, which includes a community of incredible women ready to lift you up, and a vault packed with masterclasses and information to help you find more joy, confidence, and balance in your life. Pop your name on the waiting list to be the first to know when doors reopen.
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